As I sit here at my meaningless job, drearily trodding through another day's toil I can't help but think " Where did I go so far wrong in my life?". This is nothing at like I planned. Eight years ago as high school senior I had plans and dreams. I was going to do something meaningfull with my life. I guess it all started to go downhill during my semester and a half at college. Academically I could not have been more prepared, however, I was not equipped to handle the peer pressure I faced for the first time in my life. "Just Say No" is a good plan in theory, but if you never have to use it until college it gets kind of lost. I guess that would be one of the downsides to going to a christian school like I did. The drugs and alcohol were there, but it was something you really had to look for. For a long time I tried to blame my misfortunes on other factors; my parents for keeping in christian school when I would have rather been in public, the people at college for offering me drugs and booze, etc... I have come to realization that the only one to blame is me. I could have stayed into study instead of going to parties. I could have said no when I was offered drinks or pot. Life has not been easy since I made the decision to drop out of college. I have been up and down, but never really static. I am eternally belted into an out of control roller coaster and I am terrified of heights. It is swift kick in the pants when you make the discovery that no one is going to do it for you or carry you along. You have to make your own way and your own dreams come true. Sadly though not everyone will reach their dreams. Sometimes the best we can hope for is to have our shot. So where to go from here. I am twenty six years old working front desk at hotel in the middle of the night with the hopes and dreams of six years ago all but a faded memory. I know what I want to do, but the means with which to attain it continues to elude me. Even now as I sit staring bleary eyed at this screen, I panic with the thought that maybe this is it. Having long since grown tired of the "you have so much potential comments" I have to ask myself " how much potential do I have and when will I get to use it?". It is the question that plagues my life night and day. I pray and ask God to show me the way out of this muck that is my life, but my mind races with dread and anguish so much so that I can't hear God's response. So what am I to then; stay where I am, and be miserable? Or do I keep on plodding along down the path toward some unseen future. I guess I will chose the latter and try to igonre the aching of my tired feet from walking this rocky path for so long, and put aside the aching in my back from the burdens I carry daily. Sadly the only aching I cannot put aside is the aching in my heart. See you on the path.

Neal.